Anti-Duke Manifesto

Certain sportscasters become blubbering idiots as they rant and rave over the perceived virtues of Duke. Dick Vitale, for example, during the first Maryland-Duke game of 2006, shouted that Duke is ‘the Uno Number One program’ and Coach K ‘the Uno Number One Coach.’ J.J. Redick struggled through a poor shooting performance in that same game. Finally addressing the issue, Mike Patrick stated that Redick has ‘about one of these [games] a year.’ Apparently Mike missed J.J.s 6 of 19 masterpiece against unranked Virginia Tech, the 6 of 16 performance against unranked St. Johns, or, for that matter, a career shooting percentage that is well south of the fifty percent mark that truly great shooters attain. Patrick was present for J.J.s 5 of 22 handiwork against Georgia Tech only weeks later and still the Duke love fest continued unabated.

A moderate length book could be written on Vitale and Patricks unabashed love for Duke. As all fans know, both men are unable to speak without the word Duke steadily trickling from their mouths. Recently, ESPN aired the Gonzaga-Stanford game from Spokane, Washington. Vitale was assigned the commentary. Duke had defeated Maryland earlier that day in a solid, but not spectacular, eight point victory. Although he did not cover the game, and was 3,000 miles away from it, Vitale mentioned that he had watched Dukes performance on television. He proceeded to comment repeatedly on the performances of JJ Redick and Shelden Williams, seemingly oblivious to the game that was unfolding live before his eyes.

When Vitale and Patrick work a Duke game together, they frequently become so excited in discussing Coach K and Redick that it seems only a matter of time before one, or both, have an accident on set. Who could forget their commentary during the previously mentioned Georgia Tech game in which they expressed the seemingly sincere belief that K could coach the U.S.A. Bobsled team to a gold medal and that Dukes football program should try to hire the man?

Like the sports writers, Dick and Mike take a head in the sand approach to Dukes many negatives. They teamed up, for example, in calling the Duke-Boston College game this year. In that game, Duke received 37 free throw attempts to BCs 13. The stat appeared briefly on screen during the closing moments of the game. Patrick began to address the numbers by remarking how it is frequently said that Duke makes more free throws than its opponents attempt. Vitale promptly cut-in and explained, ‘Thats because Duke takes it to you,’ as if aggressive play explains why a team is whistled for fewer fouls than its opponent.

Exactly two weeks later, Patrick called the UNC-Georgia Tech game in Chapel Hill. In that game, Tech built a big first half lead. UNC came back, primarily by pounding the ball inside to its star low post player Tyler Hansbrough. Tech accumulated a high foul count as it attempted unsuccessfully to stop Hansbrough with physical interior play. Near games end, a free throw attempt stat appeared showing a 31 19 advantage for Carolina. From this, Patrick explained how Paul Hewitt, Techs coach, seemed to have a legitimate beef about the discrepancy. Earlier in the game, Patrick described the free throw disparity as ‘astounding.’ Any objective commentator would have added something to the effect of, ‘Its not quite what we saw in the Duke-BC game two weeks ago,’ but Patrick never even thought of it.

And yet Patrick managed to outdo himself a few weeks later as Duke was losing in its rematch to FSU. In that game, the unthinkable occurred as FSU actually enjoyed a significant advantage in free throws. Midway through the second half, Patrick, with resentment dripping from every word, noted that Duke has been called for ’so many more fouls’ than FSU that it was a good point at which to address the growing complaints of an officials conspiracy. Immediately, Vitale chimed in as the two emphatically berated the absurdity of this complaint. In their combined minds, this single game was enough to balance the scales and to eliminate any suspicions as to how Duke constantly accumulates prodigious foul advantages over the course of a season.

Because they are so lost in their love for Duke, Vitale and Patrick regularly personify the hypocrisy that is Duke basketball. Just look at their treatment of the free throw discrepancy issue. Better yet, consider Vitales comments during Dukes home loss to UNC on senior night. The man actually credited Duke with overachieving this season. The exact quote was that ‘They have rode (sic) the coattails of two star players,’ and gone on to accomplish far more than could be expected. It was a bizarre statement from the same man who, immediately after UNC won the title in April of 2005, announced that ‘the Dukies will be cutting down the nets in Indy next year.’ In that same game in which Vitale stated that verbal and physical abuse has no place in college athletics, Sean Dockery shoved Tyler Hansbrough in the face during a dead ball. ESPNs own replay showed this clear basis for a technical foul and player ejection, neither of which occurred. Vitale said nothing about it.

Again, it is this shameless double-standard that causes us to hate Duke.

– Chapter Four — Bias of Game Officials