Editors Note: With great pleasure I’d like to introduce you to Keeping It Heels newest staff writer David Staley
If you Google “best Super Bowl commercials 2013″ you get 2.18 billion results. Every single one is “Top 10 Super Bowl commercials” or “The 5 Best and Worst Commercials” or something along those lines. So in lieu of having this column turn into the 2.19 billionth (and yes, I’m aware that’s not how counting works) on the list, what follows are slightly altered plot lines for some of Sunday evening’s Super Bowl ads. These are what you would have seen had ACC execs been making the final call…
Actual plot: A man considers selling his soul to the devil (Willem Dafoe) in order to get a Mercedes, but eventually realizes he can afford it without selling his soul.
Replacement plot: Just imagine the devil is Coach K (not that much of a stretch) and the guy he’s trying to get to agree to sell his soul is a recruit (let’s say Harrison Barnes). Harrison comes really close to signing on the dotted line and playing at Duke, but then realizes he’s actually got enough money to last him until he gets to the NBA and starts rolling in dough…so he takes the more heavenly route and comes to Carolina instead.
Actual plot: Octogenarians bust out of their retirement home and head out for a good time.
Replacement plot: This doesn’t require a lot of change – it happens every time there is a Carolina game in the Dean Dome. The only difference is that the blue hairs in the commercial actually get off their butts and cheer.
Actual plot: Bar Refaeli makes out with a nerd in the “perfect match” of sexy and smart.
Replacement plot: Keep Bar Refaeli the same. Replace the nerd with…well, keep him a nerd, but just give him a Duke shirt. This is how I imagine every make out scene between a supermodel and a Duke grad – staged for television and never actually occurring in real life.
Modifications to these commercials aside, there’s one thing that didn’t have to be changed at all to give the evening a Carolina feel – the stadium’s power outage. They ripped a page right out of the Kenan Stadium playbook with that one.